Dreading it

My dad requested to 'Chat' tonight. I am not looking forward to it.  I had to give him some bad news a few days ago and after a few days to 'Chew on it' I know I am going to get an earful.  No yelling but just a long long LONG lecture about how he feels about the situation while completely ignoring, disregarding or just plain shitting on the reason my sisters and I came to our decision.

I was going to explain the whole long history put two pages in I was only half way into the story it was getting to wordy. Here is the quick version.

Several years ago my dad started a family vacation tradition with his 3 daughters and their families. The first few years he paid to rent condos at the ocean. My family had a BLAST but my dad didn’t feel like it he got what he wanted out of it. Add to that drama between him and my older sister, he decided he didn’t want to pay for those expensive trips.

He then high-jacked our family camping trip Rosie and I take with our kids every year.  Those vacations were tough enough with 6 special needs kids, but add 7 more people and it was miserable and I left crying. The second year I requested he find a location with cabins my family could rent (at my cost) to make it work, and being ignored by my dad; I put my foot down and said NO MORE CAMPING!!

Dad countered that we could plan something else but we would have to chip in for the accommodations which we all agreed.  I soon realized that his version of “Chipping in” meant we all paid are equal share.  I officially lost it last weekend after a conversation with my dad.

He called, checking in, and I explained my concerns about find affordable housing options for 2 nights.  He responded that he was actually hoping for 3 nights and not 2.  I explained that since I was having a hard time finding reasonable accommodations for 2 nights that 3 was off the table. He then suggested that we go to a water theme park that was an entire state away. WTF!!!

This 2 day trip would use are entire summer activity budget and I we would be miserable most of the time. So after talking with my sisters we decided that a fun filled day trip would be a better option. I spent a lot of time and thought and planned a day trip that would be fun for everyone. It was still expensive but doable. (anything times 8 is expensive)

I called my dad on Sunday night. I explained with the dynamic of my family and the costs, that an overnight trip wouldn’t work for us.  I explained that I understand his reasons of not wanting to pay for the trip himself (which was kind of a lie since he is loaded). I stated that I LOVED his idea for vacation away and maybe we can address it again in a few years when we stop doing foster care, are kids are older, and we have made more progress with the kids traumas and triggers.  I gave him my alternative ideas, explained that they had all been approved by my sisters and that we could all pay for these things ourselves.  

He kind of went all over the place with his responses. It was so confusing!! The only feeling I could get of him during the 45 minutes “conversation” was that he wasn’t impressed with my day trip idea.  So he said he would chew on it and call me back. UGH!!

Lost some weight and gained some family drama

I weighted myself today.  I know I am only supposed to once a week but DD1 did it so I had to, right?

I AM DOWN 3 POUNDS!!

I know the first few weeks you drop dramatically so I am not expecting these type results going forward, but it feels good to making progress so only on.

I work from home and DD1 stays home and watches DS2 as he was struggling in a daycare setting.  DD1 needed the income and it has worked our wonderfully.  DD1 and I brainstormed some lunch and ideas and together we made chicken salad sandwiches.  We added non fat mayo, ½ oz cheese, cucumber, celery, carrots, pickle relish and some salt and pepper.  We used some small pita wraps and we have ourselves a 6 point mega sandwich. I am so proud of us.

Last night was a tough one.  We received a call from Rosie’s brother that my MIL was passed out drunk in the hallway. She has been an alcoholic the 13 years I have known her but the last year it has been really bad.  She had a stroke the day after Thanksgiving and will all the meds we were on we decided to call an ambulance.

She lives about 20 minutes away so by the time I got there she was being moved into the ambulance.  I tried to get the full story of what happened from my BIL, MIL’s roommate and some random chick who was there as well, but it was pretty obvious they were all fairly drunk themselves. I ended up heading to two hospitals (she wasn’t at the one the ambulance driver told me there were going to) and stayed with her until I could drive her home at 2am.   

She tried to tell the doctor she had only 2 drinks t 2pm but at 10pm her blood alcohol level was 3 times the legal limit  so we knew she was full of it.  She was belligerent and annoying at first but I drew the line quickly of what I would put up with and she calmed down.  I requested a social worker and she was able to provide me with some resources on detox/impatient/outpatient/al-non options.  By the end of the trip MIL seemed to be on board with getting help, but I told we would talk again when she was sober as she tends to change her mind.

Tonight Rosie and I are meeting BIL for dinner to really discuss how we want to deal with MIL. We need to help her but need to keep boundaries to keep ourselves sane.  BIL is as much of an alcoholic as him mom so I am not sure he can be as much help, but as least he will know the game plan and won’t throw a fit that he wasn’t included.

On a lighter note, I get to babysit my friend’s 4 week old baby tomorrow morning.  I am so excited!!! DD1 came to us at 13, DS1 at 3, DD2 at 2 and DS2 at 16 months so I have never really had much baby time.

I missed blogging!!

I so missed blogging!! My vent yesterday got me motivated to call out Rosie and DD1.  They both stepped up and we got a killer grocery list made.  DD1 went shopping with me and Rosie and I prepped food and snack baggies late last night.

I was able to get a discount for WW through my work so could afford to sign up both Rosie and I.  I weighed myself at was at a staggering 266.6. UGH!!! I won’t post Rosie’s or DD1 weight for privacy reasons but we are all in the same boat.   My weigh-in date is on Monday, so I will keep you posted.

On a financial note, I am taking the new year to clear up some financial lose ends.  I have been fighting with the IRS for years on an adoption tax credit for DD2 that was posted on my 2013 tax return.  My accountant is USELESS, so I finally contacted a tax advocate and they accepted my case.  When that comes through I will be $2,800 richer and can pay off some lose bills that have been hanging over my head.

I am also waiting on a paycheck for around $1,200 for one of my side jobs.  I was promised it back in November and still haven’t seen it. The new promise from my employer is to have it before he leaves for a business trip at the end of this month. I am not getting my hopes up but that could really help kick off my 2016 budget.

I am trying to get some services for my foster son.  He needs to be seen at the ADHD clinic and get mental health services.  I followed up with his teacher on the ADHD clinic forms I sent her in September and filled out an application to get approved for mental health services through the state website.   When I started foster care 7 years ago, this was usually all done by the social worker but apparently they are now putting it in my hands. 

In my intro post I talked about us retiring from foster care this summer.  The sibling set we have now have been in care for 1 year and have been placed with us since June of 2015.  The state is taking the first steps towards terminated parental rights but it still up in the air whether their will go up for adoption or be reunified to their parents.  I have a feeling it will go towards adoption but until the judge decides it can go anyway.

Rosie and I have decided that we cannot be an adoptive placement for the kiddos. While we adore them, we already have 4 kiddos with various levels of special needs and we really need to focus on them. 

People always comment about how hard it must be for them to go home. Honestly, kiddos going home is easy.  We as foster parents, the state and the parents did their part and it is a great feeling.  The hardest part is when they become legally free and you cannot be the one to adopt them.   We have only had this happen once before and this was a kiddo we had off and on for 5 years. We loved him so much but his behavioral issues were off the charts.  The school called the cops on him when he was in Kindergarten, if that gives you an indication of his behaviors.  Towards the end we had social workers living with us day and night to help with him and still had the cops called twice. He was only 8 years old.  He is in a residential treatment center and we visit monthly.

So, my heart breaks when I realize we won’t be adopting our foster son & daughter but I found a perfect alternative.  A friend of my Dad (Papi) and Stepmother’s are becoming licensed to be foster parents.  Once they are licensed they are going to meet with us and the kiddos. If things go well, I will approach the social worker about considering them as a possible adoptive placement.

Have a great day!!

Weight Watchers

Weight Watchers

The plan was to start on January 4^th.  My oldest daughter (DD1) and I planned this weeks ago after a heart to heart on the drive home from therapy.  So why haven’t we started yet? Prepare for a rant y’all.

The moment Rosie caught wind of our weight loss plan she wanted to join.  This is great except that I had budgeted for 1 membership, not 2.  That’s fine we can’t join until the end of the month, but it doesn’t mean we can start eating healthier.  We have been on WW before so we have a general idea of how many points we can eat, and we can use DD1’s points calculator when she signs up.

So last week, I told Rosie and DD1 to please come up with dinner, lunch and snack ideas so I can make a grocery list. I know what I like to eat but I have no idea what they would prefer.  This is what I got back

-          Salad with stuff in it

-          Flat wraps and hummus

-          Seafood

-          Do I remember those snacks bags we eat last time that were really good….remember!!  The ones with all the stuff in it.

-          At 7 am this morning, before caffeine or a cigarette, I was wresting shoes on one of my 4 year olds and trying to get my 6 year old to stop screaming bloody murder when DD1 shoved a video in my face about making omelets in a cup with 3 ingredients and a microwave.  Well she called in an omelet but it looked more like a cake, I am not quite sure.

I know what they want me to do.  They want me to plan all the meals myself and then tell them what they can and cannot eat.  They want me to diet for them and I am not having it this time around. I sent a text to each of them stating I need an adequate list of snack and lunch items they want as well as some dinner ideas or I am shopping for myself only.  This should be fun!

Carmel Here

Hello!!! Carmel here.

Welcome to my first post. In the past my blogs have been about one specific area of my life.  This time around I am writing about everything in one place.  If you want to read about getting debt free, weight loss, marriage, foster care, adoption, parenting or dealing with chaos of life; you have come to the right place.

I am 33 years old and live in the Seattle area.  My wife, Rosie, and I have been married for 10 years.  We have been foster parents since 2009. We have foster 22 kiddos and have adopted 4.  I am sitting on about 40k of debt and about 100pds overweight.

This is a year of changes:

-          My wife, oldest daughter and I are starting weight watchers this week.  We have had much success in the past so am hoping for a positive experience again.

-          We made the hard decision of retiring from foster care this summer.  Our family will decrease from 8 to 6 permanently. I am not sure how I will maintain a clean house without the monthly social worker visits to motivate me.

-          I have been working a budget for several months now, but now it needs to go into over drive and really work on getting out of debt .

-          I am changing jobs and am hoping to do the SAHM thing for a few months to get our life on track.

-          DOWNSIZING (and I just don’t mean my butt).  We live in a huge house to accommodate our huge family, but with a new budget and smaller family size we need to downsize to smaller digs.

If you want to see how we accomplish all of this and more without falling into the pit of chaos….stay tuned.